Rides.
The Dirty Spokanza 2019 Snowkanza Re-route
Sunday, October 6th, 2019.
Ride report is coming courtesy of Alder Threlkeld.
Ride report is coming courtesy of Alder Threlkeld.
Group W Spokanza Grinder
This was the shorter option on the 2019 Dirty Spokanza, a brain-child of Scott Willegalle of North Division Bike Shop in Spokane. This route will likely remain in the 3 route ineup for 2020. See ride report below.
GFTS organizer, Jim David with a heroic summit hoist.
Go for the Snow
6 riders set out at, well, not dawn, but still early enough that I rode in the dark up to Guinness World Record holder Jim David's (for the longest skid... seriously) house (Jim got the record, not his house. I know I have a participle dangling here... but it's not the ONLY thing I had dangling today, as you will see) to ride from 5 Mile Bluff up the to summit of Mt Spokane in the season's first snow.
It could happen any time, you never know. And it's an invitation-only ride, because JD needs to know that you have what it takes to Go for the Snow. I have been deputized to invite riders if you're interested, so message me through the contact form if your curiosity is piqued. JD watches the mountain and when the conditions are right, the calls go out mid week and anyone on the list who is available and has not come to their senses by Sunday arrives early for eggs, bacon and a ceremonial-nay, LITURGICAL procession to indicate the seriousness of the endeavor... and not to sue anyone. Right hands rest solemnly over the heart as a majestically waving mechanical flag plays the national anthem. Then riders are assigned a partner and marriage vows are lifted for the day. Last year my partner, Brian Comstock, had a veritable suitcase of pain meds (he'd had major back surgery early in the season) that came in pretty handy when I split my helmet 3 miles into the ride.
The ethic of the ride, apart from goofballery of the first order, is that EVERYONE makes it to the summit or EVERYONE turns back, as a group. Hence the importance of finding out if riders have true GFTS grit before they join the fun. A GFTS alumnus who invites you is putting his or her reputation on the line. But if you're on this ride and you're lagging, it's not like the group just waits for you. Each rider is given a length of 29'er mountain bike tube, and if someone needs a tow, we "rope up." Tying 3 or 4 bikes end to end really spreads out the effort so that the person in the back can have a much more enjoyable ride and the group stays together. Plus, we're going for the SNOW. You never know when a crevasse is going to open up!
It could happen any time, you never know. And it's an invitation-only ride, because JD needs to know that you have what it takes to Go for the Snow. I have been deputized to invite riders if you're interested, so message me through the contact form if your curiosity is piqued. JD watches the mountain and when the conditions are right, the calls go out mid week and anyone on the list who is available and has not come to their senses by Sunday arrives early for eggs, bacon and a ceremonial-nay, LITURGICAL procession to indicate the seriousness of the endeavor... and not to sue anyone. Right hands rest solemnly over the heart as a majestically waving mechanical flag plays the national anthem. Then riders are assigned a partner and marriage vows are lifted for the day. Last year my partner, Brian Comstock, had a veritable suitcase of pain meds (he'd had major back surgery early in the season) that came in pretty handy when I split my helmet 3 miles into the ride.
The ethic of the ride, apart from goofballery of the first order, is that EVERYONE makes it to the summit or EVERYONE turns back, as a group. Hence the importance of finding out if riders have true GFTS grit before they join the fun. A GFTS alumnus who invites you is putting his or her reputation on the line. But if you're on this ride and you're lagging, it's not like the group just waits for you. Each rider is given a length of 29'er mountain bike tube, and if someone needs a tow, we "rope up." Tying 3 or 4 bikes end to end really spreads out the effort so that the person in the back can have a much more enjoyable ride and the group stays together. Plus, we're going for the SNOW. You never know when a crevasse is going to open up!
Scouting the drop into Holmberg.
So, right out out of the gate the route drops into a pretty gnarly single track descent down the side of 5 Mile Bluff into Holmberg park. And from there we cross Waikiki Rd into Whitworth University campus for some crazy antics that took me back to 8th grade (up through college graduation) when friends and I blazed the obstacles and features of Cal U, Pennsyl-tucky on BMX bikes, much to the chagrin of campus police.
Spencer Horton ALMOST cleaned the Death Descent, a 150'ish foot slide down lose sand with a 2 foot drop at the top, and Tim Crum did clean the thing, while I opted for flipping over the bars and filling all places one does not want sand, bike AND body, with sand. Don Hooper was the only one sensible enough not to ride the Death Descent. On around the bend was the trap door in the trail where the aforementioned helmet splitting occurred. It's still there, but no helmets were split on this day. It's an important facet of GFTS that periodically JD will stop the ride and tell some now hilarious tale of earth shattering devastating destruction that happened on a given spot in the 25'ish years that he's been leading the ride. And those stories, or the manner of the telling, are 75% of the reason to do GFTS.
Spencer Horton ALMOST cleaned the Death Descent, a 150'ish foot slide down lose sand with a 2 foot drop at the top, and Tim Crum did clean the thing, while I opted for flipping over the bars and filling all places one does not want sand, bike AND body, with sand. Don Hooper was the only one sensible enough not to ride the Death Descent. On around the bend was the trap door in the trail where the aforementioned helmet splitting occurred. It's still there, but no helmets were split on this day. It's an important facet of GFTS that periodically JD will stop the ride and tell some now hilarious tale of earth shattering devastating destruction that happened on a given spot in the 25'ish years that he's been leading the ride. And those stories, or the manner of the telling, are 75% of the reason to do GFTS.
Climbing, climbing, always climbing.
After more fun single track and some paved miles into Green Bluff, we hopped on last week's course from the Dirty Spokanza and began our ascent up the mountain. You lose sight of the mountain the closer you get to it, and after a rhythm is established you almost forget that you're going uphill at all, mostly because it's been so long since you've done anything BUT go uphill.
We arrived at the end of Day Mt Spokane Rd, long since a grassy gravel double track winding through lush cedar groves, and the group voted to turn left on the Kit Carson Loop rather than take the crank-bending climb up Trail 140. A couple fat bikers joined joined us for a bit and rode on ahead as we reached the snow zone, which was incidentally where the mountain comes back into view. The snow was mostly rideable, and I'd been waiting for it all day, not just just because we were going specifically for the snow, but I had been secretly planning to do the "naked mile." And if one is going to ride the naked mile on GFTS, one had better ride it in some freaking snow. Fortunately no hikers or Boy Scout troops were encountered. There were photos and video footage that may be tastefully edited before being posted here, or will probably surface unedited when I run for senator. For the last year I've been practicing the Wim Hof Method, which among other things, has produced the tendency to do things in the snow... in my underwear. The naked mile was the logical next step.
We arrived at the end of Day Mt Spokane Rd, long since a grassy gravel double track winding through lush cedar groves, and the group voted to turn left on the Kit Carson Loop rather than take the crank-bending climb up Trail 140. A couple fat bikers joined joined us for a bit and rode on ahead as we reached the snow zone, which was incidentally where the mountain comes back into view. The snow was mostly rideable, and I'd been waiting for it all day, not just just because we were going specifically for the snow, but I had been secretly planning to do the "naked mile." And if one is going to ride the naked mile on GFTS, one had better ride it in some freaking snow. Fortunately no hikers or Boy Scout troops were encountered. There were photos and video footage that may be tastefully edited before being posted here, or will probably surface unedited when I run for senator. For the last year I've been practicing the Wim Hof Method, which among other things, has produced the tendency to do things in the snow... in my underwear. The naked mile was the logical next step.
The road portion of the climb had some snowy and slushy bits, but was completely rideable. At the summit we had lunch and piping hot-off-the-camp-stove tea that Don whipped up, only lighting JD's arm on fire once.
It's a fundamental axiom of biking up mountains that since you spent so long getting up there you might as well hang out and enjoy the view and some food for a while, at least until you've cooled off enough to shiver your way into every layer of arctic expedition gear you hauled up there, and then scream down the mountain squeezing your brakes with the useless clobs of frozen meat you used to call hands. I was in good shape on the descent on account of the cold resilience aspect of the Wim Hof stuff, but I did have to "stay with the breath" to keep comfortable. As we descended the mountain, and keep in mind this is a LONG, COLD descent, the democratic society of GFTS voted to continue past the Bear Creek Lodge, a place we probably blew 2 hours last year eating chili and drinking tea by the fire.
Where the descent finally ends and the road comes out of the canyon and turns west we stopped at a gravel pull-off with a guard rail to peel layers and eat a thing or two. There's an old power substation about 50 feet beyond the guard rail that some dude bought and has turned into a weed growing operation. And as was suspected, the said dude came out and ranted at us for a full 5 minutes about getting off his property because he didn't want bikers peeing and crapping there. I'm kicking myself for not filming it, because this guy really KOM'd the Strava rant segment. Interestingly enough, 3 riders present today had stopped to pee on the other side of his property last week on the Dirty Spokanza. I once even pulled in there in my car and dug a hole out behind the building. That was before that guy had bought the place, but it's just a good spot. Poor guy, he's just trying to run a respectable weed business.
It's a fundamental axiom of biking up mountains that since you spent so long getting up there you might as well hang out and enjoy the view and some food for a while, at least until you've cooled off enough to shiver your way into every layer of arctic expedition gear you hauled up there, and then scream down the mountain squeezing your brakes with the useless clobs of frozen meat you used to call hands. I was in good shape on the descent on account of the cold resilience aspect of the Wim Hof stuff, but I did have to "stay with the breath" to keep comfortable. As we descended the mountain, and keep in mind this is a LONG, COLD descent, the democratic society of GFTS voted to continue past the Bear Creek Lodge, a place we probably blew 2 hours last year eating chili and drinking tea by the fire.
Where the descent finally ends and the road comes out of the canyon and turns west we stopped at a gravel pull-off with a guard rail to peel layers and eat a thing or two. There's an old power substation about 50 feet beyond the guard rail that some dude bought and has turned into a weed growing operation. And as was suspected, the said dude came out and ranted at us for a full 5 minutes about getting off his property because he didn't want bikers peeing and crapping there. I'm kicking myself for not filming it, because this guy really KOM'd the Strava rant segment. Interestingly enough, 3 riders present today had stopped to pee on the other side of his property last week on the Dirty Spokanza. I once even pulled in there in my car and dug a hole out behind the building. That was before that guy had bought the place, but it's just a good spot. Poor guy, he's just trying to run a respectable weed business.
Spencer Horton with one hell of a rhinestone studded road booty score!
The ride continued across the wheat fielded plains where Spencer found a road booty belt buckle of epic proportions. Then later, JD announced a short sprint segment up a small hill, and the winner of this sprint was to be crowned the champion of GFTS 2019. Spencer, obviously the favorite for this victory, attacked early. I put on a burst of speed to match his acceleration, and when that failed, I hopped on his wheel thinking I might crack him on the hill while I relax in his draft to then take him at the last second. But as fate would have it, Spencer cracked me halfway up that little hill. That dude has some POWER at the end of a long day.
The last grunt up 5 Mile Bluff, up a gravel road no less, was sweetened by some fun singletrack that I hadn't noticed on the dawn patrol ride up there this morning.
The last grunt up 5 Mile Bluff, up a gravel road no less, was sweetened by some fun singletrack that I hadn't noticed on the dawn patrol ride up there this morning.
We rolled into JD's back yard, the sliding glass door opened and out stepped none other than my beloved wife, Lynn Short, the best part of my ride!
Pulled pork and recovery drinks of various kinds were consumed as friends and significant others arrived for the festivities. OOOOH, and there are festivities at the conclusion of GFTS! Tales are told, the champion is crowned and this year's Hero of GFTS is chosen and must drink from the Challace of Bravery, a small'ish, but big enough for an airplane sized bottle of Fireball, goblet on top of the GFTS trophy which has a few names of past Champion engraved on it (it needs Spencer's name on it twice now). "No germs have ever been cleaned from the Challace of Bravery, so you'll be sharing germs with all past Heroes of GFTS," said JD in a bombastic tone as I bent the knee and drank for the second time: this year for entering the "sacred naked mile club," and last year for continuing the ride after splitting my helmet, as previously stated, 3 miles in.
Pulled pork and recovery drinks of various kinds were consumed as friends and significant others arrived for the festivities. OOOOH, and there are festivities at the conclusion of GFTS! Tales are told, the champion is crowned and this year's Hero of GFTS is chosen and must drink from the Challace of Bravery, a small'ish, but big enough for an airplane sized bottle of Fireball, goblet on top of the GFTS trophy which has a few names of past Champion engraved on it (it needs Spencer's name on it twice now). "No germs have ever been cleaned from the Challace of Bravery, so you'll be sharing germs with all past Heroes of GFTS," said JD in a bombastic tone as I bent the knee and drank for the second time: this year for entering the "sacred naked mile club," and last year for continuing the ride after splitting my helmet, as previously stated, 3 miles in.
JD presenting this year's Champion, Spencer Horton.
And thus concludes Go for the Snow 2019 and this protracted ride report. No RidewithGPS link will be posted for this top secret event, but you can apply through the proper channels, OR you can just ITT the mountain any time you like!
71 miles.
6,800 feet
2 sandwiches
1 naked mile
71 miles.
6,800 feet
2 sandwiches
1 naked mile